I’ve set a goal to lose weight. This is difficult for me to go public with, as in my public and professional life I have been a staunch advocate of the Health at Every Size Movement, and a teacher of Intuitive Eating. Both of these paradigms are dear to my heart and I still wholeheartedly believe in them. While I feel very strongly that having a higher BMI is not an indicator of poor health, and I have found that eating and exercising healthfully without attempting to lose weight has helped me to feel better and have more energy, eschewing weight loss programs entirely has not worked for me. My three-year intuitive eating journey has taught me so much about myself, my body, and my relationship with food; its core concepts will always inform my relationship with food and body. However, my aging metabolism, my change to a more sedentary job, even while taking seriously good care of myself, has left every vacation or stressor turning into permanent pounds that Intuitive Eating doesn’t reduce, meaning a slow, steady creep in my body size. As a body-positive feminist I feel on many levels that the work for me is to love and celebrate my body as it is, chub and all. However, if I am fundamentally honest with myself, my reality is that this hasn’t worked for me. Despite my love and acceptance of all body types, I want my body to be leaner. This is about a lot of things for me. It’s about how clothes fit, about aesthetics, about not having to reboot my wardrobe every season, and about being able to fold myself comfortably in child’s pose, and about feeling sexy (sorry mom). Coming to terms with this, and making peace with this decision has left me in something of an identity crisis, but going public with it feels liberating. With this decision made, the next struggle became finding a means of weight loss that is consistent with my values. After years of (mostly) clean, intuitive eating I’ve researched, explored, and ruled out options like Weight Watchers, My Fitness Pal, even the naturopathic HCG programs, all for a variety of reasons. After all of this investigation I’ve finally landed on a plan. I’ve found a product line of supplements (which, if I find them as helpful as I expect to, I will be making available to others as part of my health coaching practice, just ask) designed to help with balancing blood sugar, increasing metabolism, reducing appetite, increasing energy, and keeping the bowels moving. Divergent from what I’ve taught in Intuitive Eating workshops, it also includes a “cleanse” component with a structured meal plan. I am very excited about this undertaking, and it has been difficult for me to “go public”. I want everyone to know that my values hold true, and I am just really really excited to feel good in my body again. It is an act of courage and strength to recognize that we do not have to conform to the media beauty standard, nor to buy into the fat=unhealthy myth, we get to define our own beauty standard and to live in our own bodies as we see fit, and I am ready to help myself and others accomplish this. My big Red Box of supplements arrived today, and I start tomorrow, and I just wanted to share my thoughts because I feel that my own inner struggle might look like hypocrisy on the outside, but I’m just a girl trying hard to figure all this complicated stuff out, and using my journey to light the way for others, I hope. I’m really excited about this, I plan to blog and post about my journey. Please know that this doesn’t come from a place that glorifies weight loss and thin bodies. It’s truly about me and my relationship with my own body. The public face has two goals: the first is to keep me accountable, both in my weight goals, and philosophically, and the second is the hope that perhaps someone else might have a little to learn from my story. Stay tuned for news tomorrow.
But What About the Weight?? March 8, 2013